Author: Ke Guo
I have this weird obsession with the word “literally.”
Maybe it can be dated back to when I was still in China, watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians to learn English. The Kardashians implanted the California Valley Girl accent in my brain. Phrases such as “literally stop” and “I Bible” kept recurring in my head; it’s like these phrases were on a merry-go-round all day long.
Other than that, the curvy, shapely figures; the nonsensical fights between the sisters; have built my first impression of the United States. A bit ridiculous, but expected.
Maybe the obsession happened after I went to a public middle school in Utah, where every American teenager girl would actually say, “I am literally starvingggg” and “Ehh, I am literally so fat.”
Maybe the word “literally” just crawled into my body, my skin, my veins, and even my nerves when I was asleep. Maybe the word “literally” was poisonous gas that I breathed in everyday without noticing. Then it started to anesthetize my brain into thinking that “THIS IS THE REAL AMERICAN ACCENT.”
I thought this is the real American accent.
I decided that I want this American accent — starting by using the word “literally.”
At some point in middle school, I developed a false assumption that I was speaking like a real American.
During recess, a blonde girl, as American as can be, asked me with a frivolous voice: “Why do you say ‘literally’ so much?” I was stunned; my mind went blank. Then I started apologizing: “Oh my gosh, did I? I am so sorry.” Her question sounded more like an interrogation. I thought: “I am a criminal. I am guilty of betraying my own culture. I am guilty of betraying myself.” On the other hand, I felt like I was being singled out. If I am a canned fish, then I am the canned herring among the canned sardines. Both are canned, but each has huge differences. Seems to fit in, but still the strange one. Would she still ask the same question if I were white?
I avoided using “literally” from that day on.
***
Every summer, when I returned to my hometown Yancheng, a city packed with competitive knowledge seekers. Before China implemented the “double reduction policy”, a policy intended to reduce students’ pressure, Yancheng was filled with professional, unprofessional, large, small, English-teaching organizations. The students were so urged to master English and to sound like native speakers.
“How can I sound more like a native?” they would always ask me. “You're such a little American right now. You should know this, right? Since you lived in the United States for a long time.” “My kid is going to study abroad soon, how can he speak like a native?” I would just say, “Practice is key,” or I would just shake my head.
***
When the wind wiped away the torridness of summer, Fall came. It has always been a busy season at my home. (When I first learned the English for Four Seasons, my English teacher in China told me that “Autumn” means qiu 秋. I never used the word Autumn in the United States) My mother is occupied with picking ripe fruits and planting new seeds. She is also very ardent about sharing her knowledge of flowers with me. I tried to avoid eye contact with her in the garden, but my dog, who is very ardent about eating grass, always dragged me over. And my mother would start her speech on “Top 6 Gardening Mistakes a beginner makes.”
Tulips and hyacinth coexist. “You know how you kids like to combine ancient poetry with pop music, the combination of tulip and hyacinth is similar to that kind of stuff.” “Sometimes, they work well together.”
In the dusk of a spring day, when the sunshine sprinkled the plateau, purple hyacinth bloomed among the countless yellow tulips. It seems like the garden is receiving a holy baptism. While hyacinths symbolize peace and beauty, tulips symbolize cheerful thoughts. It reminds me of mango blueberry smoothie, a classic combination of all time.
***
I remember when I was tutoring an American-born Chinese child. She was at the tender age of seven, and she loved Barbie and My LIttle Pony. When I was talking about the Yellow River in China, I described it as the “Mother River” for the Chinese people and their culture. She abruptly interrupted me and shouted, “Hey, I am not Chinese!” (The idea of being “Chinese Chinese.”)
Of course, she is not Chinese. Am I aware of that? Yes. However, I still perceive a sense of uneasiness.
Recently, “literally” made a comeback in my life as the California Valley girl accent became a trend on Chinese social media. The English-teaching bloggers titled their videos with headlines like “You Must Know These Words to Speak Like a Native.”
“It’s ok for you to preserve your identity.”
It took me so long to realize a simple, basic, truth: “to adapt” doesn’t mean to fully assimilate. Macaroni and Cheese don’t have to mingle together. You can dip the macaroni in cheese. Macaroni and Cheese is not the only combination, there’s macaroni salad, macaroni soup, and even macaroni rice. It’s similar to the way an accent works. There are Chinese accents, Australian accents, and all kinds of accents.
In the bible, THERE IS LITERALLY NO ONE AMERICAN ACCENT.