Author: Anyi He
After the divorce, a brief and fragile peace hung between the two families. They did not talk with each other, nor did they dispute again. Yet, it only lasted barely enough to calm down the broken relationship. Soon enough, a new battleground emerged: the right of fuyangquan, custody over the child. Months of tense legal disputes ensued again. Both sides pulled attorneys, trying to secure the child as if he were a bargaining chip. Ultimately, the court's decision came as expected, favoring the mother and granting custody to Su Mei.
At first, Li Wei felt relief at the verdict—he could finally live independently. He imagined harmony across the streets and a new world waiting for him to explore. Yet the matter refused to settle. This time, his parents, particularly his father, urged him to reconsider his stance.
"You'll regret this someday," his father warned, extremely unexpected to Li Wei. From Li Wei's memory, his father was extremely against this marriage in the very first place, and his resentment toward Su Mei was more significant than anyone else.
"No matter your thoughts, blood ties don't break so easily. One day, you'll look back and wish you had stepped up. Today is your chance to prevent that future grief," his father warned again, this time in a low voice with a weight that seemed to carry generations of expectations.
Still feeling surprised, this admonition stuck to Li Wei like a shadow. He tried to walk away, but his father's words bound him, compelling him to maintain some responsibility. Though he couldn't fully comprehend those words' meaning, he acted immediately. Over time, Li Wei set up a monthly contribution for his son, determined to give him access to the best education, regardless of his separation from Su Mei. The quiet resignation in his gesture was profound; not love fueled these payments, but a sense of duty, a remnant of the blood that he knew he could not escape. But as the boy grew, the fissures between his parents' conflicting worlds became glaringly apparent. Li Wei was meticulous, pouring money into his son's schooling, sending him to institutions that promised academic rigor, and instilling high expectations. However, unlike Li Wei, who expected high, Su Mei had little need for intense investment and sent the boy to local schools, which fell short of Li Wei's expectations. Su Mei's approach diverged strikingly; she believed there was no need for a rigorous academic life to pressure the child. In this clash of world views, the boy's development stumbled.
I saw firsthand the impact when I met him as his tutor. He was among the most challenging students I had ever met—not because of the lack of intelligence or ability, but rather the stark absence of motivation. Unlike the other kids, who at least showed some interest, he lacked interest in learning or any sense of aspiration. When I was pointing at grammar, he looked at poker. When I was pointing toward new vocabularies, he looked at figure toys. Every time in class, he kept discussing unrelated materials and focused on his world. It felt like an invisible bubble around him that I couldn't penetrate. The conflicting forces at home had left him adrift. His father pushed for excellence, pouring funds into his education, while his mother's relaxed approach left him with no clear direction.
There was a time when Li Wei asked Su Mei to move into the center of Beijing for better education. Still, the first demand from Su Mei was asking for an entire apartment there (for reference, one apartment cost, on average, more than 1 million dollars in Beijing). She was not into the boy's future but Li Wei's pocket money. Soon, studying in a poor environment, the boy was used to comfort and lost the ability to dream.
One summer, the boy stayed with his father during the break. For a brief period, Li Wei had him close, and together, they immersed themselves in lessons—practicing English, delving into math, and even exploring the latest technological advancements. Li Wei took him to America and bought Apple Vision Pro the first month after its release. This trip served partly as an opportunity to open the boy's ability to dream and set an ambition to achieve the same as his father. They explored the natural wonders together and glimpsed at the world beyond his shabby comfort zone.
Yet despite the novelty of this experience, the impact on the boy immediately disappeared after he returned to his mother. The brief growth window closed as quickly as it had opened, leaving his father's aspirations hanging like words spoken to a wall. The first day he returned, he quit his daily English practice and returned to his old self. There was a time when Li Wei stopped by the apartment near them but refused to come downstairs, unwilling to see his father's face. One explanation was that he was unwilling to listen to more expectations and requirements from his father. The two worlds, serenity and arduousness, continued to clash, leaving him as a reflection of that fractured reality, uncertain and ungrounded.